Girls Night Out

B and I went to the Monday Girls Night Out in Dallas this week.  I didn't think we were going to make it since B was not feeling good.  I think for me she sucked it up and made the trip.  She was happy she did.
We had a ball.  It was going to be karaoke  but a drag show was scheduled also.  Lots more people showed up at the bar and it was fun.  We got home after 1am (which is really late for us married folks).  B paid a VERY nice complement to the girls that she "wanted to see a picture of them in guy mode because they looked like beautiful women".  That is about the best thing you can say to a crossdresser.
I didn't sing.  I really only sing in the "key of me" so usually not a great idea.  B and I had a good discussion on the way home.  One of the girls said she was married for something like 10 years but had just told her wife last year.  B didn't understand.
We are kind of unique in that B and discovered Candi together and she has blossomed from there.  Many crossdressers hide in the closet even from their wives.  So I asked her what her very first initial reaction was when I said I wanted to shave my legs and chest.  She thought about it for a moment and said "what's next??"
Exactly.  As a crossdresser, 1.  we don't know what's next.  But 2. we do know we love our wives more than anything else and don't want them to have to ask "what's next".  And we know what rejection is like and don't want to be rejected by the one we love the most.

Now let me say this....telling your spouse early in the relationship is the BEST thing a crossdresser can do.  And here is why.  You are keeping a secret if you don't.  You are lying to your wife and to yourself by not telling her.  For example, you and your wife go on a diet together.  Swear to lose 25 pounds each.  You have a strict menu.  But then you go to work and eat pizza and drink beer.  2 months later you have not lost weight.  You never tell your wife.  You lied.  period.
 Now for the wives.  Here is what happens inside the minds of your husbands.
"I will tell her but it has to be the right time and this month is not the right time with everything that is going on."
"We are getting married.  I'm going to stop crossdressing.  I've found someone to fill that void."
"A year of honeymoon and busy preparations to settle down.  I can't tell her now."
4-5 years later: I'm too far into this marriage and I love her way to much to lose her.  If I tell her she will reject me and will be gone forever.  I just can't do that.

On and on it goes.  When we get years into the marriage, we can't bring ourselves to the point of possibly losing the one that has not rejected us, even though we have not come out of the closet.

Here is the thing to remember.  If you don't tell your spouse, you are both living that lie.  She just doesn't know it.  You must free her and yourself of that burden and share all of you.  Give her grace and pray she reciprocates.

-Candi