Sunday, May 27, 2012

Man Discovers He Is A Woman

I read this story today about a man who went into the hospital for kidney stones and found out he was a woman.  Well, at least that's what the title of the story said.  All over the web that was the title of the story.  However, you have to read the story to get the deeper information.

Steve found out he had female internal organs and a male penis.  He is intersex because he has both.  He has become an advocate for same sex marriages and intergender people.  Stevie (who found out 5 years ago) now lives as Stevie.  I'm sure she got her name and gender changed on her license.  She is still married and her 6 children and wife support her. 


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Just a couple things about this story.  The title of "he found out he was a woman".  That's of course just a titillating title to get you to click on the link.  He actually found out he was intersex.  But in our black and white society, we don't want to think about a really small percentage on the edge of the pie graph.  The other issue (well not really an issue) is what do people against homosexuality or even same sex marriage have to say about this??

You can't throw out the X or Y chromosomes argument because she is BOTH sexes from birth.  You can't throw out the procreation argument, because she has 6 children of her own.  Although the story infers it, she did not make the transition from Steve to Stevie overnight and did not make it lightly.

I think we as a society are moving, but maybe we need to get off the blacktop road with white stripes and move into that gray mud.  It's more difficult to move through, but also more exciting.

-Candi 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Communication

I have preached on communication in the past.  Poor communication is the one thing that will screw a relationship up faster than anything else.  It doesn't matter if you are a crossdresser or not.  Open honest communication is needed in a thriving relationship. This is probably even more true for a crossdresser.

Open communication regarding our crossdressing is very very difficult, and here's why.  We have spent so many years hiding this part of us for fear of retribution/retaliation/rejection/any other re- word you can think of, that showing this part of our lives is difficult.  And even if we have an accepting significant other (SO), we are still afraid of letting it all out that we will scare them away (or repulse them in fact). 


On our way back home from vacation, B and I had a good short discussion.  Her friend was not having a good day with her husband.  It was one of those "coming near the end of the line" talks.  She needed to vent.  I asked B if she ever complained about me like that.  She said no, that it was a rarity to complain at all about me and never like that.  It was good to hear.

Our discussion went further.  She said likes Candi but sees me obsessing with everything CD.  I asked her to explain.  She stated that when I am on the computer, almost all the time it's sites regarding crossdressing.  I made a comment that when at work I search work related sites and when at home this is what I search.  It wasn't a good thorough answer and I needed to think about it.  So I did.

I realized that I read a lot of CD forums/blogs/sites for a couple reasons.  1.  I am still trying to figure out who I am completely.  I don't mean I want to figure out if I will transition or not.  There is no way I am going there.  Reading other people's experiences helps me understand who Candi is and how she can be part of my (our) life.  2.  My online habit is my "Candi time".  I just don't have the option to go out right now.  With our daughter and work and lack of money, I can't get out of the house.  So I underdress pretty much every day.  I wear a nightie to bed every night (god I missed that on our vacation).  And when I come home from work at 2am, I put on something feminine and unwind. 

I have not had makeup on since our anniversary.  Missing that.  I did shave my legs last night.  I love that smooth feeling and am so glad that B enjoys it too. I will get time out again soon.  Until then, I will interact with others on crossdressers.com forum and other sites and just be me at home.

Blessings,

-Candi

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Beach Body

We are on vacation this week at the beach.  It has been a wonderful relaxing time.  Well most of it was relaxing.  Wells Fargo screwed up my money situation and that changed things around.  No Worries.  I get good at pulling things out of my ass when needed.
I was surprised we didn't spend the whole time on the beach.  B and I both like to people watch.  Our daughter just wants to "go".

We went horseback riding one day.  That was so much fun.  Although I am a crossdresser, I am full guy and they two girls that were leading us were hot, no doubt. 
 I told B I wish I had a body like that.  Actually I said "skinny bitches" first.  She corrected me and said they were just skinny girls because we were that skinny when we were that age (half my age now since I turn 40 next month). 

I'm generalizing here, but the difference between crossdressing men and non-crossdressing men.  non-CD men will look at these girls and their first thought is getting into their pants.  CD men look at these girls and their first thought is "I wish I could fit in those pants". 

Obviously if I didn't sit at a desk all day,  could get a body closer to that.  Now they were over 6 ft tall like me, but if I lost 25 pounds, that would make a difference. I was working out on a daily basis and lost some weight, but got stuck between 215-220.  I stopped for a few weeks and nothing changed.  If I watch what I eat, I pretty much stay here. 

On another note, B and I saw this Oh So Hot dress in one of the stores here.  They had an XL and she was going to let me buy it.  It was XL in the US and 14 in the AUS/UK. I pulled out my handy smartphone and checked the conversion.  That would be size 12 in the US.  Even if the site was wrong and that was a size 14 in the US, it was not going to work.  Skinny Bitches.  I have a size 18 denim skirt that just barely slides up so I know that dress would not have worked.  Maybe it would have given me the incentive to lose the extra weight. 

Here is your encouragement.  You can lose the weight.  You don't have to though.  There is clothing for us girls that are a little bigger.  I know you want to look good (meaning hot) though.  Lose 15 pounds and you will feel so much better about yourself.  Confidence makes the girl, not the clothes.

-Candi

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Is B a Girly-Girl

B and I were talking last night laying in bed.  She found a picture of a wedding dress I put in this post.  I saw that look in her eyes.  I let it go, making a mental note to talk about it late.  Well, it was later.

We were laying in bed and it was REALLY late because of my trip.  I asked if she was up to talking.  "sure," she said. I told her I wanted to talk about Candi.  She asked if Candi was being deprived and needed some time.  I love her for that. 

I wanted to talk about the wedding dress.  I asked if it upset her.  B said she was confused about it.  So I went into teacher mode.  The most feminine thing a woman can do (besides give birth) is to get married.  Almost all crossdressers want to experience this in some way. A percentage just want to try on the dresses.  A percentage want to walk down the isle.  And then a few more want to have the honeymoon also (although I would think everyone wants the honeymoon).

Then we started talking about our wedding 18 years ago.  Bs mom planned the location and decorations.  I asked my sister to make the dress and helped design it.  I have always worried that B didn't get to "create her fantasy wedding" like so many little girls want.  She said last night she never had that "dream" that little girls have.  She didn't have the desire to create the wedding. That made me feel better.

She then wondered if the wedding dress I helped create was subconsciously for me.  I told her no that it was created exactly for her and I wanted it to be perfect...for her.  I made points with that one.

"Who would come to our wedding?  I guess the girls from Dallas Feminine Expression."  Then I remembered that one invited all the girls to her daughter's bridal shower.  I guess we would invite other crossdressers and some people we know from the LGBT community.  It was a really good couple's conversation.

Then we started thinking about how she is the guy and I am the girl in this relationship.  That's where this post title came from.  Here is B.  What do you think?
1.  Hates to shop for clothes and won't try anything on in the store unless forced.
2.  Only occasionally wears make-up.
3.  Doesn't wear perfume.
4.  Wears a nighty (or something else "sexy") to bed about 3 times a year.
5.  Has lots of nighties in the closet.
6.  Has 1 pair of heels.
7.  Doesn't have a closet of shoes.
8.  Shaves her legs (when it gets too long).
9.  Didn't have that "dream wedding" plan.


-Candi 

Monday, May 7, 2012

Being Submissive

I'm not a submissive in girl or guy mode.  There are times in "fantasy mode" where B or I will be more submissive.  But the chained up, ball-gag, cock lock, licking the boots, being talked down to is not for either of us.  And I don't really understand it.

Now don't get me wrong.  If that's what you are in to, go for it.  I'm not going to judge your sex life (or your life in general unless you are hurting those you should love).  I do like some "kinky" stuff (but kink is in the eye of the beholder).  I just don't like a lot :o).

I was reading Romans 8 and started thinking about submission.  Check this out:

1 Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3 For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, 7 because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so, 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. 10 If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
12 So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— 13 for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!”

OK.  So a submissive in the lifestyle sense let (wants/needs) someone else to direct their life.  When it all comes down to it, a submissive doesn't want to take responsibility.  Remember that when I am referring to a submissive here, I am talking about someone who is 100% in it.  I'm not sure how you get to a point of needing someone to direct your life 100% like that.

I put the Romans 8 passage up there to give an alternative.  While reading this, you may (or may not) have to drop any preconceived notion of what Christianity is.  So many people have been hurt in the past by it.  Message me with questions and I will be happy to help (as I can). In the passage above, the "flesh" is what the submissive will let guide his life.  That's his/hers desires, wishes, loves, thoughts will all be guided by the flesh.  Now you can say "it's not the flesh, but my mistress!"  Your mistress is your desire of the flesh.  Don't try to put it off. 

Here is what I want you to see though.  Vs 6 If the flesh is directing you (meaning someone else) then you are really hostile to God and cannot subject yourself to God.  You can only have 1 master. 

HOWEVER, if you are directed by the Spirit (meaning God), you are alive in ways you never expected.  Here are the differences between flesh and spirit.   Flesh=death. Spirit=life. Flesh=hostility. Spirit=love.  Most important in this train of thought. Flesh=subjecting yourself to another.  Spirit=submission to God and ultimately being free.  Oh what an awesome paradox. 

That love, that need, that desire and want you are craving is found in God.  If you are under submission of the Spirit, you are a son/daughter of God.  It's not about sex but about LIFE.  And if you are an adopted son or daughter, you can cry out "Abba Father" and he will open his arms to you.

It might be easy for you to turn away from the one you are in slavery to, but it might be hard.  No matter.  You can't just leave it, because it will leave a big "sub" hole in your heart.  You have to fill that with something.  That something is the love of God through Jesus Christ.

Shalom

-Candi

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Retained Job

Good News....I am keeping my job.  The 4 days after the accusation were torture.  I went back and forth between I'm losing my job, I'm keep my job, I'm keep "a" job, but being demoted.  It really was hell (in a career sense of the word".
I did get written up because I needed to be a better supervisor.  I'm good with that.  I just have to stay on my Ps and Qs now.  Focus on the metrics and get the job done.

Of course I need to get to posting more on this blog.  I apologize for the lack of attention.  I do have some "thoughts" bouncing around in this empty head of mine.  I hope to get them on "paper" soon.

-Candi