Communication

I have preached on communication in the past.  Poor communication is the one thing that will screw a relationship up faster than anything else.  It doesn't matter if you are a crossdresser or not.  Open honest communication is needed in a thriving relationship. This is probably even more true for a crossdresser.

Open communication regarding our crossdressing is very very difficult, and here's why.  We have spent so many years hiding this part of us for fear of retribution/retaliation/rejection/any other re- word you can think of, that showing this part of our lives is difficult.  And even if we have an accepting significant other (SO), we are still afraid of letting it all out that we will scare them away (or repulse them in fact). 


On our way back home from vacation, B and I had a good short discussion.  Her friend was not having a good day with her husband.  It was one of those "coming near the end of the line" talks.  She needed to vent.  I asked B if she ever complained about me like that.  She said no, that it was a rarity to complain at all about me and never like that.  It was good to hear.

Our discussion went further.  She said likes Candi but sees me obsessing with everything CD.  I asked her to explain.  She stated that when I am on the computer, almost all the time it's sites regarding crossdressing.  I made a comment that when at work I search work related sites and when at home this is what I search.  It wasn't a good thorough answer and I needed to think about it.  So I did.

I realized that I read a lot of CD forums/blogs/sites for a couple reasons.  1.  I am still trying to figure out who I am completely.  I don't mean I want to figure out if I will transition or not.  There is no way I am going there.  Reading other people's experiences helps me understand who Candi is and how she can be part of my (our) life.  2.  My online habit is my "Candi time".  I just don't have the option to go out right now.  With our daughter and work and lack of money, I can't get out of the house.  So I underdress pretty much every day.  I wear a nightie to bed every night (god I missed that on our vacation).  And when I come home from work at 2am, I put on something feminine and unwind. 

I have not had makeup on since our anniversary.  Missing that.  I did shave my legs last night.  I love that smooth feeling and am so glad that B enjoys it too. I will get time out again soon.  Until then, I will interact with others on crossdressers.com forum and other sites and just be me at home.

Blessings,

-Candi